“…for the Holy Spirit will teach you
at that time what you should say.”
I truly believe that Dr. Gary Chapman’s revelation of “The Five Love Languages” was released from heaven on a scroll from the throne room to the vault of my heart. When his book was published in the 90’s it began a wave of discussion to bring clarity to my little mind that I wasn’t the alien. It was a powerful key on my keychain. It was vocabulary to explain my consternation about always being the ET in the house.
He said after many years of counseling, he had noticed a pattern: everyone he had ever counseled had a “love language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love. The five areas: word of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service and gifts. While all languages are spoken, the primary way is going to fulfill the emotional needs of that person. He also discovered that, for whatever reason, people are usually drawn to those who speak a different love language than their own. Well, that explains a lot.
My husband, Mr. Acts of Service, comes in and immediately starts tidying up. Me, Miss Words of Affirmation, thinks that he is not happy with the house. Lightning, thunder, and rain. Or, me, Miss Words of Affirmation bubbles up with a compliment to tell him “how cute he looks in his new clothes” to which he responds by acting “mentally challenged.” Well, THAT was NOT profitable!
I am beginning to think, that perhaps, the Great Divine Romancer, purposefully connects us with people of opposite love languages so that we will not depend on them for our “fill.” He jealously protects His role in our heart’s love connection so that He will be our first source. He graciously gives us a compliment to our heart instead of a match. The definition of a compliment is “that which makes perfect.” He uses “The One” in our life to a tool to sand away the parts of our character that are not Christ-like while graciously filling the middle with the glue of the Holy Spirit to hold us together.
So, how do you communicate love when the vocabulary you use has different meanings?
What if my word “love” means something totally different to me than it does to others and vice-versa?
How will this affect my life and the rhythms of my heart’s joy?
What does this mean to my pursuit of the Great Commandment Love? Whole-hearted love obviously means to love God – not only with my primary love language – but with the other facets of love also.
So, while, I can comfortably love God with my words – making it a priority to spend quality time with Him – having meaningful conversations and giving to Him of my energy and money – may take a bit more focus.
“Holy Spirit, I ask You, teach me to love.
Teach me to love God with my whole heart.
Teach me to love others.
Teach me to love myself.”
#6 in my quest for revelation of The Great Commandment. To read more on pursuing The Great Commandment, go to the next blog in this series, “Sowing Space for Grace.”